There are many things I wish I could tell you at this age, yet at the same time I’m pretty glad you don’t know these things yet. If you had, you wouldn’t be the same 20 year old you are now. Let’s be real- I like the 20 year old you become. Sounds strange right? Yes, you do learn to actually like yourself.
Speaking of likes: please get over that lanky boy with the flipped out hair. I’m pretty sure he isn’t even in school anymore. Your first love will always be and should always be yourself. If you don’t approve of you then how do you expect anyone else to? No one will fix you or complete you- the most you deserve is for that person to inspire you to be the best version of yourself.
You’re full of wonderful potential and I know you know that. You have this burning fire within you that can go one of two ways: it can be anger or it can be constructive passion. There are times when the anger takes over and you retreat, but please know that the fire doesn’t have to be all consuming- it can also be liberating. Don’t let that fire hide you, instead let that warmth expand and push you forward. Use it to chase your beliefs. You spend too much time feeling guilty or unimportant or lacking and you couldn’t be more wrong. You mean a lot to so many people and you have the power to help and inspire other humans. That is the biggest asset any individual can have and as you learn to take advantage of that you will learn to not only respect the life you have, but also respect yourself. While keeping that in mind, never trivialize yourself or your problems. It’s okay to be selfish and take care of yourself first. The better you treat your self, the better confidence you’ll have when interacting with others.
In terms of inspiration: Appreciate all the people in your life, especially those who make you laugh. As E.E Cummings once said “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter” (yes it appears you will always be into corny stuff like that- own it). The people who don’t make you crack up and act a fool are people you might need to reevaluate your relationships with. The people who make you get lost in the moment are the same ones who will help you when you are doubtful.
Also: please be nicer to your parents. It seems easy to blame them for your flaws but you are a bigger person than that. You know that they have always tried their best and that they would do anything for you. Be sure to remind them that you’d do the same. You’ll quickly realize that putting a smile on another’s face is your favorite activity.
On a more random note: Stop wasting time straightening your hair. Your smile is your best and most underutilized beauty trick. I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but don’t be afraid to be yourself. If you want to continue wearing leggings under jean skirts then that’s fine (although stop purchasing all those colors because you’ll soon be over it). I know you’re never afraid to be bold and I totally encourage you to keep that up. That individuality is what makes you memorable and if those actions make you feel good then by all means do it. Just remember that there is a difference between doing what you want to do versus doing what you think you should want to do.
Finally: Moments quickly turn into memories. This may seem heavy, but if your current position is where you would spend forever, would you be okay with that? Stop waiting for the future to get better and focus on making your present wonderful. I’m at the point where I would answer yes to that question because I’ve surrounded myself with people who build me up and I live my life in a manner that aligns with my values. You probably are unclear about what you value because it isn’t something you regularly think about, but you have a gut that tells you what you believe in and it honestly doesn’t change much. You have so much to look forward to but you have a lot to enjoy in the present moment as well.
There are so many other cheesy things I could say but I’ll leave it at that.
So to sum it all up in the words of one your future favorite artists:
“Believe in your flyness, conquer your shyness”
-Kanye West (yes that is a real quote)